Perfect Polly™ Motion Activated Singing Parakeet: the most ridiculous TV ad of the year

It’s a robot bird that chirps and moves its head and tail ever so slightly. This commercial, like so many other “as seen on TV” infomercials (which I can seriously watch for hours because I love them so much), is hilarious and ridiculous for so many reasons.

Let’s just begin at the beginning. First of all, this little girl would never actually believe the chirping piece of plastic is a real bird, “realistic” as it may be. And if it was, there is no way she would be this impressed with it. She probably grew up with an iphone and technology millions of times more complicated and fascinating than a piece of plastic that moves its head around and makes noise (the same noise, mind you, over and over again). This just reminds me of the commercials from back in the 90s about stuff that would glow in the dark or make it more fun to draw.. or both. You catch my drift.

Anyways, I think what makes this the most ridiculous of all is how excited all these freaking ADULTS are over this shitty little toy bird that no self-respecting engineer (is that what they’re called? do they have a more technical title like useless mechanical toy scientist?) should be creating in this century, or even the previous one for that matter. These grown men and women are all kissing it and petting it and everything.. it’s actually kind of creepy if you watch it over and over like I am right now.

I’d also love to know what kind of people are actually buying this thing (as a serious gift). I’m sure it’s the same ones who buy stuff from those airplane magazines like SkyMall.. have you ever seen the kind of things they sell in there!? But anyway, that’s another blog for another time…

“Chirp Chirp” *insert excited grandmother here*

On Being in Shape and Parents who Feed you Too Much

Here’s the thing; I’m not in shape. I dream of being in the shape I was back when I took fitness classes at my community college with a coach who was a former Olympic competitor. She’d do the kind of thing where if she saw you weren’t running around the track, she’d make you do an extra two laps on top of everything you were already supposed to do, all while yelling at you in this awesome English-African-Jamaican hybrid accent. It was horrible and amazing at the same time. I’ve never felt that strong since despite working out on my own.. which, let’s be honest, involves a lot of laying on the floor and staring at my 10 pound weights until it’s time to shower and go to work.

But anyways, I like food. I go through different phases throughout the year depending on my stress level and weight. When I stress out I eat like there’s no tomorrow, pretty much whatever the hell I feel like. The most disgusting thing I ever did to my body was about six months ago during finals; I bought myself a vanilla latte, and not one, but TWO Wetzel’s Pretzels. That was really the lowest of the low I think. After a few months of this type of stress eating I realize that I’m in really horrible shape and I feel shitty about myself. This is usually the time when I decide I will diet and exercise. This also lasts for a little while until I start feeling comfortable and good about myself, so I get back into eating delicious carb loaded food because I think I can get away with it. And the cycle pretty much never ends and I’m never really happy with myself. It’s definitely a work in progress.

 

 

This is literally every day when I’m home. I think they might have some attachment issues. 

 

Anyways, I’m currently in “I want to be in shape and eat healthy” mode. The problem is that I’m visiting my parents, who show love by stuffing amazing home made foods that I still don’t know how to make on my own down my throat. Well, they don’t force me to eat any of it – but how the hell do you resist real home-made fresh baked bread in the morning? I literally woke up this morning and my mother was baking bread and making tiramisu. TIRA-freaking-MISU. Last time I was here she was baking I don’t even know what high fat high calorie deliciousness, and my father came home from my favorite bakery with ECLAIRS and CROISSANTS in a beautiful pink cardboard box… And I’m supposed to exercise self control here? Could you do it!? I didn’t think so.

 

A few more weeks and I’ll be back in LA surviving on a struggling college student diet. That always works. 

My first (official) blog!

You’ve got blog!

So I don’t know who’ll be reading this, but.. here it goes! I’ve been meaning to start a real (public) blog for years now, but school has kept me pretty busy for the past few years (especially the university years – yikes!). Now that I’ve officially graduated, I really have no more excuses. Let’s do this!

And speaking of graduation – I am terrified. I literally don’t know anyone in my class who was excited to graduate… All of the adults around us were like, “Aren’t you so excited!? There’s so many opportunities out there! Anything can happen!” And we all just kind of looked at them with blank stares / incredulity. We figured we can burn our diplomas for heat  when we all eventually become homeless, so we can at least get some use out of the ridiculously expensive pieces of paper we spent years slaving over.

So back to this blogging thing – as of now, it will probably be a mish mash of my observations / rants about life and the people in it. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I will writing about this insanity.

Cheerio!

… I’m not British in any way shape or form, but I literally don’t know how you’re supposed to end one of these things. That works, right? Jolly good.